My room mate of almost 3 years just left for Florida yesterday. I'm happy about it on one hand. She's doing an internship at Disney in one of their many hotels. I believe the name is the Grand Floridian. I don't know much about it, but it sounds really ostentatious. On the other hand I'm filled with grief. In our time together we became so much more than room mates. We were truly friends.

She was there for me through all the good and bad times I had with Ashley. I was there for her through her many escapes with this one or that one. We never judged each other. We just tried to help and be there for each other. Why can't everyone be like that?

We had planned to make the trip to Florida together. Her father and I were supposed to split the driving. That didn't happen. He came up with some piss poor excuses why I wouldn't be able to go. Then he just came out with it... He doesn't like me. Heather tried to stick up for me but was eventually given the ultimatum that we knew would come: Him or Me. Suprisingly, she chose me! Unfortunatly, I had no way to tow her car. Dad did.

Being that her father was not going to change his stance on the situation, I did. I backed off. It was the right thing to do. Heather didn't like it, but agreed. We enjoyed a few minutes talking shit about her father and were over it.

The night before she left I slept over her sister's house with her. It was so cool. We were together. We had to sleep on her sister's couch, but we didn't care. During the night she kicked me in the head. I awoke at one point on the floor underneath her. I gave her her customary back rub. We held hands, cried, and all that. You'd think we had once had a physical relationship. But you'd be wrong.

The love we share for each other is indeed a strange one. When she's going to be out later than one or two on the morning, she'll call me to let me know. When we shower, if we're not sharing the shower, you can usually find the other one sitting on the throne conversating with the person in the shower. But more often than not, we were together. Me washing her. Her giggling about me insisting we keep the lights off. I've seen her nekked many times, almost daily, but for some reason I like the shower to be dark. I didn't need light to 'see' her body.

Although we had our own rooms, bedtime didn't stop the togetherness. She could usually be found in my bed. Much to the chagrin of a few ladies in my life. They fully believed that there was nothing going on between us. The fact that I would choose to let her stay there instead of kicking her out for the person who was going to give me some was the part that killed them.

I don't pretend to understand it. It is what it is. At this point in her travels, she hasn't even gotten there yet. But I miss her like she's been gone for years.

Heather; I miss you, I love you, and I'll always be there for you. Don't forget your boy up north.

I know this is a bit off the mark for me, but I had to let it out. To the people who know Heather and I, sorry if you learned some shit you may or may not be comfortable with. Deal with it.

Enough with all this sentimental stuff. Misty, be nice. I'm out. See you all soon.

Big Shane

Can you believe this mother fucking shit? There's a new crime out in the world. They call it pump jackin'. It's happening all over the place. Here's how it goes down:

You roll up to the gas station. As is the custom now, you have to pre-pay for your gas. While you go do that, someone pushes your car out of the way, and then proceeds to steal the gas you paid for! Sounds crazy right?

The worst part is who's actually doing it. Women! New age soccer moms driving those big assed SUV's! When gas was a bit cheaper it was the cool thing to do to get the biggest vehicle you could. The arguments ranged from, "I want to put my family in the biggest, safest automobile I can", to "fuck you greenpeace bitches, I'll drive what I want".

But now, after all the drama overseas with the oil and shit, gas prices are through the roof. Remember when you could get half a tank of gas, and some cigarettes for $10.00? You do? You old mother fucker!

Just watch your back. They're out there, and they're waiting for you! Do not trust anyone. Especially a minivan full of children with no adult in sight. That bitch is out there, and she's just waiting to catch you slipping.

You've been warned.

Big Shane

Okay, I know I talk a lot of crap here. But hey this is my forum, and that's what I do. That being said, if you have a problem with what you read here, piss off! I never made or even asked you to read my works. You came here on your own! If you don't like my constant references to BrokeBack Mountain and other acts of faggotry, take your ass-boxing, pole-smoking, rump wrangling, stick bumping ass somewhere the fuck else! And the next time you private message me with your hate mail, I will post it here for everyone to laugh at your ass. Pun intended bitch! Now, we can be done with this shit, or take it to that other level. You decide, you sperm burping bastard!

Mr. Bitches

I got this from Misty, but since it made me laugh like hell, (and I'm going to the beach today), I'm going to post it here for all to read. Thanks Misty! You may consider yourself an Honorary Woman Hater!

When He Says: He Really Means
------------ ---------------
Do you have the time?
Hello Let's cut the talk and go have sex.

How are you? in bed, I mean.

I'd like a discreet relationship. I want sex, but I'm married.

I'll be out of town for a few days. I'll be spending time with with the wife.

I'm a novelist. I have 10 unpublished books.

I'm coming off a long relationship. My wife is divorcing me.

I'm consulting. I'm looking for a job.

I'm divorced. I just slipped off my wedding ring.

I'm in television. I fix them.

I'm involved in banking. I'm a bank guard.

I'm self-employed. I just got fired.

I'm sorry I flirted with your sister. I'm sorry I got caught.

I'm thinking of relocating. I can't find a job locally in this town.

I can't leave my wife just yet..soon. Be patient forever.

I enjoy reading. Playboy and Penthouse.

I have the Midas touch. I install mufflers.

I like a woman who is intelligent. As long as she acts like I'm smarter.

I love opera. I want sex, but I've seen an opera once.

I play the market. Safeway

I work high up in an executive office. I'm a window washer.

I work with computers. I'm a cashier at a gas station.

Looking for a satisfying relationship. I want sex.

My business is really hot right now! I hand out towels in a steam room.

My job keeps me running. I'm a messenger.

My wife and I are separated. She's at home I'm here at the bar.

Thanks again Misty! I'll hit you all with something hot when I get back from the beach.

Big Shane