I apologize for not being around. I've been sick. Real sick. I would give specifics, but they're too nasty even for me! I'll be back soon. I hope to see you in chat. I'll be the guy just watching. Love you all!

I got tagged by Shrink. I shall tag 3 people at the end. Fat kids, start running now!

1. Dated outside your race? No. I prefer humans.

2. Singing in the shower? And anywhere else I have an audience!

3. Spit in someone’s drink? No

4. Played with Barbies? I have an older sister... guilty

5. Made someone cry? All the women who can't have me.

6. Opened your Christmas presents early? What are presents?

7. Lied to a friend? Only once. Only once today...

8. Watched and cried while watching a soap opera? Hell to the no!

9. Played a computer game for more than 5 hours? Of course!

10. Ran through the sprinklers naked? Yes!

11. Ate food that fell on the floor? Who am I, Monk? Of course!

12. Went outside naked? God yes!

13. Been on stage? Yes!

14. Been on stage naked or close to it? It was a dare, I swear!

15. Been in a parade? Yes

16. Been in a school play? Yes 17. Drank beer? A few times. It was nasty!

18. Gotten detention? I had a reserved spot!

19. Been on a cruise? Nope

20. Broken into a house? What's the statute of limitations on this?

21. Gotten a tattoo? 4

22. Gotten piercings? Yes

23. Gotten into a fist fight? Winner and still Champion!

24. Gotten into a shouting match? I prefer to fight!

25. Swallowed sea/pool water? A few times

26. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose? So!

27. Laughed so hard it hurt? Yes. Eddie Murphy used to be funny!

28. Tripped on your own feet? Maybe

29. Cried yourself to sleep? He-Man here. Hell no!

30. Cried in public? He-Men cry on the inside.

31. Thrown up in public? Yes.

32. Lied to your parents? Is this a set up? They might read this!

33. Skipped class? Only on days that ended in 'y'.

34. Cried so hard you threw up? Nope

35. Had a one night stand? 22 positions in a one night stand!

36. Left restaurant without paying tab? Eat and cheat? Of course!
37. Been Fired from a job? Nope

38. Wanted to make out with your massage therapist, therapist OR hairldresser? Have you seen her? Hell to the Yes!

39. Had a drink "sent" to a stranger at a bar? No.

40. Been winked at and loved it? Oh yeah...

I tag.... Adam (of course) P.R. and Hetzie (duh)

I've been mulling an idea around for a while. Before I tell you what it is, let me give you some history on it.

All my life I've noticed that certain people seem to be rich. They always had the hot new sneakers, freshest hairstyles, and all that seemed to go with it. The strange thing was, they also all lived in the worst parts of town.

Living in the suburbs, I had a bit more than the people I'm referring to, but I didn't know it. I had a yard. My closest neighbor lived across the yard, not the hallway. One of the most important things I had that they didn't was PARENTS. Parents that had jobs. I might not have seen them as much as I wanted to, but I couldn't complain. How stupid would I sound? 'Gee Dad, it sure is easy to do homework with all these lights!' 'Hey Mom, thanks for knocking out that mortgage payment!'

Never the less, like most shit-headed, unappreciative children I wasn't happy. I wanted Nike's, and all that other shit I saw the other kids with. One day it was all explained to me. Not by my parents or some other source of knowledge. I got it when I saw a bumper sticker. It read, "I work because millions of people on welfare depend on me." After I found out what welfare was, my views were changed forever.

Now I hate these people. I don't think I'm above them. I just don't like how they take advantage of the system. My idea is to throw a monkey wrench in THEIR system.

I propose to make a new job for the city/state/county/municipality or whatever office is supposed to oversee fraud. I would like to see someone actually walking around and meeting and making appointments to see these people who are abusing the system. Were it me, here's how I would do it.

I would walk around the projects and just see what there is to see. Let's see who's got jobs. What are the people driving? How many big screens do you have in the house? And your rent is what?

The first meeting would be scheduled. The next meeting would be at a time interval I determine. After tha second meeting if certain criteria aren't being met, you got to go!

If you're paying $80.00 or less for rent, and you're driving a current model year Lexus or better, something is wrong! If you have no job, but you have a 60inch screen in the house with surround sound, something is wrong! If your children look like they can do a Phat Farm, Rockawear, or Sean John clothing commercial, but you have no food in the fridge for them to eat..... you get the picture.

Basically, it would be my job to bounce these people out on their collective asses. In certain cases, I've seen whole generations of families grow up in these places because they know how to work the system so well. When your funding is about to run out, make some more babies. When you're too old to make babies, get your female children started on it. Sick but true!

I may actually bring this in proposal form to my local department of Lazy Asses Doing Nothing to Make Shit Right. I think I would be perfect to perform the duties necessary to make a difference. I hear there is actually something like this in place already. It just doesn't work. How do I know? Because Johnny so and so just got out of jail 3 months ago and is already driving around in a 5 series BMW!

WTF?

Bug, if you insist on starting an army that consists of dead squirrels, at leas start with good ones. There's one thing one thing that every soldier needs that you can't teach. This guy's got it in spades. So here is your first Super Soldier. How you manage to kill him is your own problem.



If I was a squirrel, this could be me!

I saw my ex today. Usually that's an event filled with lots of mixed emotions. Prince made a song that describes it perfectly. It's called, I Hate You. That's how I feel about Ashley. I hate her because I love her. But I can't love her, because I hate her. It's so twisted, and yet so accurate.

We met at my mom's new house. I stayed there most of the day waiting for the cable guy to come and do his job. By the time he bounced, Ashley had gotten there to do what my mother had asked her to do. I knew she was coming. It was no big secret. I had even tried to break out before she got there but couldn't. I was doing laundry and wasn't finished.

Before you start thinking anything in your little heads, my girlfriend was also there. There was going to be no 'misunderstandings'. No one was going to accidentally fall into some pussy. It just wasn't that type of party. Nor was it going to be that type of party.

My intended purpose for being there was to make sure that the internet worked before I left. Her purpose was to run the wires for my mom's surround sound system. At one point we were working closely together. This is where I would usually get in trouble. This time was different.

The usual feelings weren't there. I had no desire to smell her hair or bury myself in her chest or a million other things. I felt almost nothing. It was odd. Very odd. I may be overstepping my bounds on this one, but something in me had to make sure. I opened my arms to her. She casually walked into them. When I closed them around her there was this void. This nothingness. I told her Happy New Year, and then I bounced out.

For the first time in years, there was no reaction. I did not want what I could not have. I didn't squeeze extra tight looking for signs of love. I didn't try to hold on to her for longet than was appropriate. This was one of the first times I had ever hugged her in friendship. Something inside me had finally let her go. I didn't need her anymore. Friendship. Who would have thought?

The next thing that was odd was my very next thought. It was of my girlfriend. Suddenly, I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be by her side. I wanted to tell her what had happened. I really wanted to tell her that I love her. I've said it before, and while I did mean it, it wasn't wholeheartedly felt. I've always saved a bit of me for Ashley. Not tonight. Tonight, I was finally IN LOVE with the person I was with.

I will always love Ashley. Good or bad, it is what it is. I'm no longer IN LOVE with Ashley.

Thanks MOM. If you hadn't put us together tonight, I might still be in the dark and still be losing daily the love of the one that loves me. And me only.