If you're at all religious, LEAVE NOW! This isn't that kind of post. The title may have caught your eye, but I assure you that your irises will be burned out if you read this. Consider yourself warned.

I'm a big man. I have a healthy appetite. When I eat, I don't like to get up until I'm done. Sometimes I'm done quick. Sometimes it takes a while to finish. And sometimes, GOD interrupts the meal. This is one of those times.

Let me kiss your lips. The lips between your hips. I want to go downtown.

And so there I was. Downtown. It was the middle of the night, the 'streets' were clean, and I was hungry!

The few times I've tried to do this were met with no signs of success. I don't know why, but she's just not into it. For a while it was cool. Hey, less work for me right? But after a while, it wasn't so cool anymore. Why? Because I like to do it. It's one of the things I know I'm really good at. And in my opinion, it makes the lovin' better. It definately helps to make it last longer! Not that I'm obsessed with time, but hey, we've all got our 'little things' about the sex act. Time just happens to be mine.

Anyhoo. Usually I tell my s-o what's about to happen. But given the choice, I didn't know what choice she would make. So in the best interest of all involved, I took it! That's right. I didn't let her know shit. I just started doing it! I didn't really know how she was going to take it, so I dove right in. It appears that was the best thing to do. Let me tell you why...

She LOVED it! She made some feeble attempts at pushing me away. She didn't have the strength to do that though. I talked some shit. I don't know if she heard me, or if she just didn't care. She let me keep right on doing what I was doing.

I ate it like I was a death row prisoner and her pussy was my last meal! She was having leg spasms and shit. Then she started convulsing. It was incredible. I was the man! I even put some special new stuff on it. I can't or won't explain here, but I'll tell you in private. Then came the big one. She called out for GOD!

Did you hear me? Can you believe this shit? I know we men like to brag and boast about our conquests, but this is the real deal. On two seperate occasions she called out for GOD. I had to stop. She had nothing left. To keep going would be unfair to her. But it wasn't over! What does every woman want after a good half hour of uninterrupted head? DICK! Yeah boy! I did my best to tear that ass up. I beat it up like a runaway slave! I was trying to kill it! And I would have succeded. But I don't believe in abusing my stuff. So with a beastly roar, I finished. I don't know what happened after that. I was out! And I deserved it!

You know when it's real. There have been times before when I thought those noises were made just to help you along. But this was the real shit. There was no faking. No boosting of the ego. No, fat bastard get off of me. This was the shit! I hope I get to eat with GOD again. I just hope he doesn't watch me eat!

Big Shane

So I'm driving down the ave, minding my own business, enjoying being employed. I've got the company car, a good CD is playing, the windows are down, I'm loving it. I look down the road and see a group of kids walking down the road. Some of them are on the right side of the line, some aren't. One of them is in the middle of the road on the yellow line. He decides to jet across the street when he sees his opening. His friend that tried it next wasn't so lucky.

With no preamble at all, no look behind him to see if there's any cars coming, nothing, he takes off across the street. I wish I could say I didn't see it coming, but I did. I knew I was about to hit this kid. I slammed on the brakes and locked up the wheels. To no avail. When he heard the car trying to screech to a halt he froze up and did his best hood ornament impression.

It seemed to take way too long to stop. I saw this kid roll up the hood to the cowl of the car. The sound was sickening. It had this really hollow dull thud like 'feel' to it. As the car finally stopped, he slid of the side and somehow managed to cross the street. I almost admired his tenacity. He was trying to get across the street after all. I don't think he had this in mind on how to do it, but he got it done.

Luckily there were lots of witnessess. From what I gather, they all said there was nothing I could do. That doesn't help though. I still feel sick. I don't even know the poor kid's name. All I have to go by is the dent he put in the hood of the car. I guess I could go around town and try to match the kid to the dent, but that's a little stupid. It seems like some sick and demented Cinderella for 2006.

I made the call to the boss. After I assured him that no one was going to sue him, and that it was in fact an accident he seemed to take it better. He could care less about the dent. As long as no one was going to be coming after his house and shit. I guess I don't blame him.

The fucked up part of this, other than it actually happened at all, is that it was my first day. I was only punched in for 20 minutes when it happened. Does that suck or what?

Dayum!

Big Shane

The crazy part is: I have nothing to say. That's not true. I have lots to say, but I don't know where to begin. Not to mention, I've been spending damned near every waking moment with Hetzie. That's not a bad thing, but it has it's problems. One of them is, she's READING OVER MY SHOULDER RIGHT NOW! It's hard to put your thoughts down when someone is right there. I'm going to hit her with a brick in about a minute or so.

Lately things have taken a turn. I don't know if that turn is for the better, or the worse. In a nut-shell: Ashley is single again. This poses a few problems. In no particular order, here they are.

DISCLAIMER: I mean in no way to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm merely writing what I'm feeling. I have to be honest, if for no other reason, my audience expects it.

I was with her for 6 years. In that time, we've gone through almost every aspect of a relationship. We've had good & bad. We've been broke. We've laughed and cried. We've faced our families, the law, our friends, and came out in tact. We moved in and depended on each other. We built a happy, comfortable home together. Then we broke up.

I say I never saw it coming, but I lied. We gradually grew apart. It was hard not to see it. She began spending less and less time at home. I began seeing other people. One person in particular. Although she says it isn't so, she also began seeing someone. In fact, when we broke up, she began dating him. I think that's bullshit. I think she was doing more than just hanging out with him for a while before we ended it. But that's not the issue.

The issue is, I'M STILL, AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HER. What's worse? She knows it. And so does everyone else. Especially Hetzie. Herein lies my dilemma. I'm building something nice with Hetzie. We have real feelings for each other. She has this thing in the back of her mind that's telling her not to get too close. She thinks that if Ashley calls me, I'll come running. Ashley sure seems to think so. And so do I.

Everything tells me to steer clear of her. Run, don't walk. She tore my heart apart on more than one occassion. I came back every time. Bullshit, I never came back. You can't come back to something you've never left. As much as I want to get back with her, I know I shouldn't. I thank GOD she doesn't push the issue. To tell you the truth, I don't think she wants me back anyway. It's my own selfish ego that puts that there. I still think that no matter who she has in her life, no one is going to, or could ever love her the way I do. Not that that thought ever comes into play in her mind...

I keep telling Hetzie that she's tripping with no luggage. Her fears are unfounded. I don't know how much longer I'm willing to keep up that deception. The fact that she has this fear at all is what's driving a wedge between us. I'm attracted to strong women. I want to be with a woman who's going to fight for what she wants. Not physically fight, but you know what I mean. If she's not willing to fight for me, why shouldn't I go to the one who always has?

I tried to turn to friends and family for help and advice. That didn't help. They all say the same thing. Hetzie is nice, but she's not Ashley. Most of them thought that Hetzie is/was something I was doing to pass the time away until Ashley came back. At first, that might have been true. But now I don't know. We're not at the level Ashley and I were at, but she's more to me than just a random booty call! The word love has even been mentioned by both of us. But I need that love to be so much stronger.

When Ashley and I are in a room together, you can FEEL... something. You may not be able to put your finger on it, but it's there; and it's real. I can't even say what it is, but it scares the shit out of me. It's that powerful. She is one of a few women that I would kill or be killed for. I don't know what she feels for me anymore, but there's something. I just wish I knew what it was. Dayum. This shit is stressful.

This post is getting to be long as hell! I'm out. I don't want to beat a dead horse. I'm so confused. I hope one of these women make a move. A decisive move. If not, I guess I'll head to Michigan to my Angel.

I'm out. I look forward to your comments. I don't look forward to Hetzie's comments though. Is there a way I can keep her from reading this, short of breaking her fingers and poking her eyes out?

Help!

Big Shane

I woke up late. That was bad. I wanted to be into work (can I really call it that) early today. That didn't happen. All was not lost however. I managed to get my resume to where it had to go anyway. I was feeling good about that. I carried this good feeling to my local car audio shop (AJ'S CAR AUDIO II). This used to be a comfort zone of mine. But now Mark works there and things aren't the same. Remind me to blog about that at another time.

When I got to the spot, I saw my ex-girlfriend's car there. It's a bit odd seeing it as I spent so much time in it, and it's identical to the car I currently drive. Hers has extensive modifications to it, mine doesn't. Mine works, hers doesn't. Ce La Vie! After discussing what could and might happen to her car I left to go to see my brother. I thought this was going to be bad, as he had a computer problem I needed to look at. It turned out to be simple. Not only that, but I spoke briefly with My Angel. Things couldn't get any better.

Well at least that's what I thought. Before I left his house, I logged into the 'Stream' to see the goings on. And to my suprise, what did I see? I saw Adam's blog. Are you kidding me? Could this actually be all about me? No shit? Forget about it! Your boy has been on super premium unleaded for the rest of the day! You could slap my mama and I couldn't even get mad. I felt that good. It's going to take several days before my ego gets anywhere near approachable levels.

Adam, once again, you are the shit! You (if you're reading this) are the reason I came back to Blogstrea after I left for a while. And you shall be the reason I stay at Blogstream. As long as you are here I shall too remain. For someone I've never met, and may never meet, you are the best friend I could ever have. By the way, I got that thing in my e-mail! I'll be using it soon.

MINORS SHOULD STOP READING HERE!

In totally related events: Still being gassed up, I gave my significant other the dick tonight. I have to say it was good. You know it's good when YOU know it's good! And not only did I know it was good, so did she. I did something I don't usually do. I asked the question. You know the one. 'Who's pussy is it?' Oh yeah, I went there. Not only did she say it was mine, she said it the right way. It's easy to say 'it's yours'. That's not good enough. Not for the way I was giving it to her. I swear to GOD, none of the knights of the roundtable could weild a sword the way I was weilding this dick! HOLLA!!!!! I was beating it up like it was some guy who tried to sell a Muslim a pork-chop sandwich! And she knew it! She said it. She said, 'it's your pussy'! Who's pussy? It's your pussy! That's what I'm talking about!

And the knot in my back was well worth the pain when I saw the look on her sleeping face. My back hurts. My ribs hurt if I cough. I have one hellacious leg spasm, and I don't care. Why? Because as I look over at her unconcious ass, I can say to myself, "I did that!" It is such a feeling of accomplishment. I bet the whole block needs a cigarette. But not me. Give me some Ben-Gay! I'm too young to hurt like this. But I'm willing to hurt again! And I'm sure I will!

Oh well, it's officially stupid o'clock in the morning, so I have to leave you all. But not for long. I'll be back as soon as I can sit up straight!

That'a all for now. I'll post something normal later in the day. Peace out to my new friend MindPower. And to Yuna, wow! That's all I got. I know she's probably married or something, but who thinks me and SpringMoon should get together? Is it really possible to be that beautiful? Dayum!

I'm out this bitch!

Big 'Burninator' Shane

It would seem that I'm anally fixated lately. I don't apologize for this. I don't know why my attention has shifted to this topic, but it amuses me for now. Maybe when Adam makes me his second in command of Master Seven's army I'll have something else to talk about. Until then, suffer through this.

I've been hearing a lot about ATM. No not the machines that allow you to take money recklessly from them. I'm talking about the current trend in porn. ATM stands for Ass To Mouth. I've seen a few movies where they've done it, and it's not really all that big a thing. It's the idea of it. How do you have something in your ass, then put it directly in your mouth? Sounds nasty right?

I've never done it myself, and I'm sure that my current partner wouldn't allow me to do it. But it is intriguing. The crazy part is, I don't know why.

From what I gather, the ass is actually pretty clean. It only gets 'dirty' when you poop. And then, if you wipe, or shower and clean things up, it doesn't even have a scent. Once again, this is what I gather. I have no first hand knowledge. Yet!

I have great fun with thinking about it. Hetzie's mom is always going to the ATM. And when she doesn't have time to go herself, she sends Hetzie to the ATM for her. I laugh like a maniac when I hear her talking about it and she has no idea why. She just thinks I'm We Tarred It.

This is such a useless post. I have nothing to say. I'm just posting to have something to do. My heart was in it until I read about this new Army I so want to join. Now that's all I can think about. Damn you Adam. And damn you too 7! How can you plan to take over the world and not even mention me? Now I have to start another post and deal with this correctly.

I'll see you all later. Just remember, the ATM is for making deposits, not withdrawls! Nasty people.

Big Shane