I love anal sex! Did you hear me? I love anal sex! It's cooler than a butt-nekked eskimo! Let's get this straight, I was on top! I do have a rep to uphold. My 'peeps' would undoubtedly know that I was the giver, not the reciever, but not everyone that reads this is one of my peeps. Enough about that. Back to the subject.

I've done it a few times before, and it was somewhat enjoyable. Unfortunately there were some SIZE constraints that made it necessary to stop. In my exuberance I inadvertantly tore the perineum (sic) of my partner. Although blood is a good lubricant it sort of freaks you out when you're in the middle of something that was supposed to be passionate.

Something about this time was different. I got it all in! And after I got it in, I was allowed to keep stroking. Not those little baby strokes either. For real though, I was STROKIN' it! Imagine Stretch Armstrong. Now imagine Stretch Armstrong's limbs maxed out. That's how long those strokes were. I was starting in Florida, ending in Maine. And it was good! You know that fart that comes out after like 3 beers and a few slices? It was that good. I know some of you know what I'm talking about.

One of my boys is trying to get me to let my partner put her finger in my butt.

I don't think so! Slow down with that shit. You freaky bastard. And now that I have a little insight into what goes on in your bedroom, I'm a little nervous about going over to your house. You half a fag!

I'm just playing. He reads my blog.

Anyhoo. As usual, I've lost my train of thought. I'll be back later. See you when I see you.

Big Shane

Ever since the events of the last post occured I can't sleep. I stay with Stinky until he goes to sleep, then I go home and go to bed. To be more accurate, I lay on the bed. I don't do much resting at all.

He seems to be doing pretty well. I don't know how. I'm beginning to think he's learned some sort of mind transference. During the day he's the same Shane Jr. he always was. At night I think he sends me all his fears. When I can sleep, it's for short periods of time. I keep having visions of people entering my room and standing over me. My mom has even told me that I've begun talking in my sleep again. It worries her because my talking is of a very violent nature. It would appear that I'm killing people and doing other hateful things. I have no recollection of any of it. At least Jr. can sleep.

If the police are doing anything about this, they don't tell me about it. I'm beginning to lose faith in them. Hell, who wouldn't?

I want to thank everyone for their comments. The blogs dealing with the subject were well recieved. And thanks for not undertanding how I feel. I don't even know how I feel, how could someone else? You guys are the best. I'll keep you all abreast of the goings on. Hopefully I'll be able to give you some of what I"m famous for. If not today, soon.

No doubt I'll see some of you in chat. Thanks again.

Big Shane

The most fucked up thing to ever happen in my life happend on Sunday. What's worse? It didn't happen to me. It happened to my son. My son was molested.

I've been having a hard time dealing with this, so I haven't been on in a minute. I've tried talking to people I know about it and what my options are. They all seem to have the same responses. And those without responses all seem to give me the same condescending sighs and sad looks. That's not what I'm looking for.

I don't think I'll get much better or different responses here, but at least I 'feel' better about sharing the ordeal with you all. Albeit I've only known the people I know here best for a little under a year, you guys are more real to me than some people I've known in the 'physical' world for decades.

I won't go into much detail about the subject. I will say that he wasn't anally penetrated. That doesn't make it any better. The degree of my anger isn't lessened any. I add it just so you the reader don't have that question rolling around in your brain like it was in mine until I found out the whole story.

As any father would, my first instinct was to run up on this guy and do a 'Rambo', single handedly cleansing the world of his entire family. There was no fear of repercussions at the moment. Thankfully calmer minds prevailed. Had I done what I felt, my son would have no father. That would be bad to say the least. So I chilled. I can't and haven't stopped thinking of what I may do if I see this guy. He hasn't been caught yet. Good looking on the local police. I know they have a whole town's problems to deal with, but I care not. I want this bastard found and shot in the testicles! And that's just to start.

The fucked up part of the whole deal is this: The person that did this to my son is someone he knew and trusted. He's been alone with the guy countless times. With no other way to say it... It was his mom's boyfriend. How fucked up is this? This is what kills me. They've been together for a while. No one saw this coming. No one.

Now I struggle with doing the right thing and doing what my instincts say to do. I'm losing the battle daily. I need help. I look to you. Please, do what you can.

Big Shane.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be.

How can I put this? BULLSHIT!!!!!!

If you truly love something, you should try with every iota of you being to keep it. It's when you set it free that you run the risk of losing it.

If what you love loves you back, you can't really lose it. They will always be there. Maybe not in the physical, but emotionally, love never dies. True love that is.

Now let's say that your love has left you. Don't sweat it. Love needs to grow, and sometimes to grow love needs room. Give it that room. Anything you do to inhibit that growth will ultimately ruin it for YOU! Believe this.

Now in the case that love does come back to you, don't just let it happen. Ask yourself if this is something that you really want to happen. Don't underestimate your own growth.

The love you feel may still be very real. Just make sure that you can handle that love. Love changes. You aren't the same person that you used to be. Your relationship with that person won't be the same. It can't be. Everything will be new, just like starting over. Be prepared for that.

I've said all that to say this. Poetry is nice to read, but don't let some silly assed rhyme scheme dictate your life. Live in reality, not some fairy tale world where love always overcomes all. If that were true, I wouldn't be writing this shit!

To all the women I've loved before, (in no particular order) Latisha, Fiona, Marya, Laura, Ashley: I hope you burn in hell for leaving me. To the women I love now (who will remain nameless) I may never get over these other women, accept it. To the women I'll love in the future, what's up????

That's all.

Big Shane.

Why does love have to be this way? I'm in love! Everyone can see it. But the one person that I want to see it and acknowledge it, doesn't. It's rather irritating.

Here's the problem: I believe this person loves me too. I can 'feel' it. It's not really a tangible thing, we all know that. But you know what I mean. I get all the signals, I just don't get the affirmation. I NEED the affirmation!

I'm not shy in any way. I tell this person I love them all the time. But when I ask them how they feel, they get all flaky about the deal. I get all these crazy responses that range from ludicris, to just down-right infuriating.

I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to last like this. If I don't get some real affection, and I don't mean just the physical side, I'm going to set it off.

Until then, I'll keep you posted.

Big Shane