I start work tomorrow! It's been a while I know, but I'm back! I'm beginning to think, hell, I know work was where I got most of my inspiration from. The crazy things that happen at work happen in no other place in the world. I don't know why it happens like that, but it does.

Don't worry, I don't intend to get all introspective about the workplace. Not yet anyway. Give me about a week!

Hey, what's up with you folks? Was I the only person that had anything to say this weekend? I saw a few people in the chatroom, but almost noone posted. Now me, that's a different story. I had shit to post. And who read that shit? No one! Except Adam. That's why he's my homie! He didn't read ALL my posts, but he read more than the average person. That means YOU!

Basically, read my shit! Fuck the title. There's shit in here for everyone. Trust me, I've seen some of you. And if not you, your husbands need to read this shit! (i love the word shit lately!) Until next time....

Big Shane

Remember this shit?!? Wow was I full of myself! Guess what? I still am, and it's still true! The only thing that's changed is the name of the blog. He-Man Woman Haters 4 Life!

There are 4 types of people on Blogstream:

1. Those that make things happen.
2. Those that know what happened.
3. Those that wonder what happened.
4. Those that get bitch-slapped for not reading The Bigness!

Which one are you?

Mr. Big

I got no comments on this one the first time I posted it. It's probably commercially known by now, but when I presented it to you all it was some really hot shit. Here goes: I hope you enjoy it again, for the first time.

Sha Clack Clack

i know you are but what am I?

infinity

if i could find the spot where truth echoes
i would stand there and whisper memories of my children's future
i would let their future dwell in my past
so that i might live a brighter now

now is the essence of my domain
but it contains all that was and will be
and i am as i was and will be
because i am and
always will be that nigga

i am that nigga

i am that timeless nigga
that swings on pendulums like vines
though mines of booby-trapped minds
that are enslaved by time
i am the life that supersedes lifetimes

i am

it was me with serpentine hair
that witha timeless stare
turned mortal fear into stone time capsules
they still exist as the walking dead
as i do: the original suffer-head
symbol of life
and matriarchy's severed head
medusa, i am

it was me the ecclesiastical one
that pointed out that nothing
was new under the sun
and through times of laughter and times of tears
saw that no time was real time
'cause all times were fear
the wise seer
Solomon, i am

it was me with tattered clothes
that made you scatter
as you shuffled past me on the street
yes, you shuffled past me on the street
as i stood there conversing with wind-blown spirits
and i fear it's your loss that you didn't stop and talk to me
i could have told you your past as i explained your present
but instead i'm the homeless schizophrenic
that you resent for being aimless
the intuned nameless,

i am
i am that nigga
i am that nigga
i am that nigga
i am a negro
negro from necro,
meaning death
i overcame it

so they named me after it
and i be spittin' at death from behind
and putting "kick me" signs on its' back
because i am not the son of
sha clack clack
i am before that
i am before
i am before before
before death is eternity
after death is eternity
there is no death there is only eternity
and i be riding on the wings of eternity
like: yah! yah!

sha clack clack

i exist like spit-fire
which you call the sun
and try to map out your future with sun-dails
but tic-toc-technology can no tic-toc me

i exist somewhere between tic and toc
dodging it like double-dutch
got me living double time
i was there before your time
my heart is made of the quartz crystals
that you be making clocks out of
and i be resurrection' every third
like: tic-tic-tic

sha clack clack

no i won't work a nine to five
because i am setting suns and orange moons
and my existence is this:
still
yet ever moving
and i am moving beyond time
because it binds me
it can set me free and
i'll fly when the clock strikes me
like: yah! yah!

sha clack clack

bvut my flight does not go undisturbed
because time makes dreams defer
and all of my time fears
are turning my days into day-mares
and i live day-mares
reliving nightmares
that once haunted my past

sha clack clack

time is beatin' my ass
and i be havin' dreams
of chocolate covered watermelons
filled with fried chicken like pinatas

with little pickaninny sons and daughters
standing up under them with
big sticks and aluminum foil,
hittin' them,
trying to catch pieces
of fallen fried chicken wings.
and aunt jemima and uncle ben
are standing in the corners
with rifles pointed at all of the heads
of the little children.

"don't shoot the children", i shout.
"don't shoot the children!"
But it's too late.
they've already been infected by time.
but this shit is before my time...
(i need more time! i need less time!)
...but it's too late.

they start shooting at the children
and killing them:
one by one
two by two
three by three
four by four
five by five
six by six
but my spirit is growing
seven by seven
faster than the speed of light
'cause light only penetrates the darkness
that's already there
and i am already there
i'm here at the end of the road
which is the beginning
of the road beyond time
but where my niggas at?
oh no
don't tell me
my niggas are lost in time
my niggas are lost in time

my niggas are dying before their time
my niggas are dying because of time.

Are you kidding me? That was and is some of the deepest shit I haveever heard in my life! Word to my dead gold-fish! I have nothing else to say! Nothing can be better than that. I'll write again when I've gotten over the enormity of the knowledge that was just dropped on you niggas out there. Dayum that shit was tight!

Profound thought of the moment: When I'm through giving you all my knowledge and my theory, I add a mother fucker so the ignant niggas hear me! - Lauryn Hill

I got a request from a friend that I repost my old entries. I guess there was some stuff that needs to be remembered. So, if you think you've seen some of this stuff before, you're probably right. If you haven't been with me from day one, you might want to check out these old posts. If you have, check them out anyway. There's more than a few good laughs here.

Peace out people.

Big Shane

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


Anyone have anything to say about that?

Big Shane