I've got a stupid question to ask. I know almost every man has this one run through his mind at some point in their relationship. When is it okay to fart in front of your girl? More importantly, when is it okay for your girl to fart in front of you?

Personally, I don't trust a woman until she's broken wind in my presence. Sounds crazy right? Dig this. Until she farts around you, that's one more secret she's attempting to hide from you. It's not like she doesn't fart! Hell, as much as they try to hide it, they shit too! Just not when you're around.

Believe it or not, I wait for it. Not that I'm a nasty bastard, but if I have to flatulate, I'm all about it. There's more room on the outside than there is on the inside of me! Why should I go through the pain of trying to hold it in just so not to insult your fragile sensibilities? The cramps and discomfort involved just aren't worth it.

Don't get me wrong, I try to be discreet. I do my best not to make a lot of noise with it. Hell, it there's one available, I'll try to blame it on the family pet or something. Everyone's got someone notoriously shitty in the family. Blame it on their ass if you can.

But I digress. I want responses to this one. At what point in your relationship is it okay to fart in front of your s-o? HOLLA BACK!

Fisk: OUT!

So there I was, butt nekkid doing the nasty with my favorite girl. We haven't hooked up in a while, so I was determined to give her some good dick. If I do say so myself, I think i was doing the damned thing as well as it could be done.

I had my game-face on! I was not a man to be reckoned with at this point. And if you did, you had better be prepare to receive any and all punitive damages that would be coming your way!

Several minutes into the activities, I'm well into my rhythm. My breathing was good. My stroke was just right, and she was speaking in tongues only lovers understand. Like I said, I was doing the damned thing! Then it happened... Some interior decorating genius decided to place a mirror directly parallel to where I was standing. What I saw was gross. Not regular gross. Seeing your parents having sex gross!

I saw MYSELF doing what I was doing and it looked horrible! There was nothing sexy about what was going on. Even the memory of it is so hideous I may puke just thinking about it. It wasn't enough to make me stop! SHIT!!!!! There was a nut to be gotten by both parties, and noting was going to stop that! Can I get an AMEN?

Somehow, I managed to finish and then do it again. Hell. the room was paid for! But in the back of my mind, I was already making plans for how to get in shape. I'm supposed to go back next month and do it again. I had better see some serious improvement. If I do, Abagail better watch herself, because I'm coming after that azz! HOLLA!

Fisk: OUT!

I may have written about this before, but my memory is shot and I can't remember if I did or not. So here goes.

My job is like the neighborhood barber shop. Every good hood has one. It might not be a barbershop per se. It could be the local bar, or garage or whatever, it's just a place where men go to get together and talk. Such is my job.

None of the guys are happily married. At least that's what they say while they're here. They don't seem to talk that shit when they go home.
But that's the whole purpose of the shop. We come here to vent. And vent we do! Here's some of the dirt that can't get anyone in trouble.

Dave hasn't gotten any pussy in YEARS! Even the current president of 3D (dudes with desert dick) is in awe of him. He's currently working on a cute thing, but I fear he may end up in the friend zone. Poor bastard.

Mike fell off, got busted, and lost his players card. We got him a plaque and had a little tight ceremony. He was amused, pissed, and embarrassed at the same time. It was great.

Jay has it all. He owns the shop. He's got the house on the hill, several cars, and all the bills that go with it. He's always bitching about having a small penis, and not getting any. Who cares? He bought his wife some new boobies and himself a corvette. Sounds fair to me.

Other Mike stabbed himself in the eye while he was at work. Now all he does is come around and get made fun of. That may be a little inconsiderate, but fuck him. He left here to work for Best Buy doing the same thing he was doing here. Benefits was his reason for leaving. Benefits? Who need those? We didn't tell his dumb ass to get married.

Those are the regular cast of characters. There's more I could say, but some of the guy's wives read this and I can't get them in trouble on purpose.

More later. I actually have to do some work. See you soon.

Fisk: OUT!

There's a rumor going around that I'm a comment whore. To those who perpetuate the rumor I say to thee: YES! YES I AM! And to these same people I pose a question: Why dost thou hate me? I bet you don't even know. But it's all good. Why? Your hate makes me get up that much earlier in the morning to think, ponder, and dream up new topics to write about.

That's where all you hatin' ass bitches and bastards have gone wrong. You fail to realize that although I may be 'whoring' for comments, I still have to come up with fresh new material to elicit said comments. That's where I succeed where you seem to fail. I have a vivid imagination. I put my words together in ways that your boring ass would never think to do so. Instead of hating on me, you should try and learn from me. Read my blog and see what it is that makes people come and read what it is I have to say. Once you do that, you'll want to comment too! Trust me.

Hetzie... Piss off!

Fisk: OUT!

That's what my rat-bastard brother in-law had the nerve to tell me yesterday. After avoiding it for as long as he could, he decided to check into a rehab. Yesterday. Now I'm supposed to believe that within the space of a few hours he misses his daughter. Shut the fuck up; get the fuck out of here! He didn't miss her ass when he wasn't home for the last 2 days!

I hate his ass! His general modus operandi is to sleep all day long and let other people watch his daughter. When he wakes up, he does as little as possible, then goes out all night leaving his daughter with whomever will be home. And it's not like he asks you to watch her either. He just disappears. One moment he's there, the next he's gone. Let's hear it for all the single fathers out there... yeah right!

I wouldn't be so incensed about this if I wasn't in the predicament I'm in. I do miss my daughter. I haven't seen her in almost 2 years now. It scares me that I could probably pass her in the street and not know it! I try regularly to get information on where she may be, or how I can get in touch with her. This asshole has his daughter with him everyday and doesn't appreciate it. The only reason he went to rehab is so he could delay going to prison for a little while longer. Asshole.

Fisk: OUT!