I got tagged. Here goes:

5 things I've heard and will never forget:

1. It's your baby!

2. The pussy is free because the crack costs money.

3. Procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good until you realize you're only screwing yourself.

4. The only reason you don't go to school is if Jesus Christ comes down and tells you not to. And he better ask me first!

5. You can call DCF if you want to. I'll beat your ass until they get here. And then I'll beat their ass when they get here!

Fisk: OUT!

This is for Adam. I will find the actual footage of Prince with his ass hanging out, but for now, enjoy this.



Fisk: OUT!

You have to actually be nice to someone in your place, even when they're in your way, using your stuff and you just want to be left the hell alone.

You don't own anything anymore unless it's something bad. Then it is yours and only yours.

If you walk around naked all the time, you get made aware of everything that is wrong with your body and told to put it away OR you're constantly being pawed at when you're just trying to be naked.

You are now completely aware of what things you do that are completely weird when before you could live in complete ignorance and bliss. In order to do weird things, you now have to hide somehow in the bathroom, wait until they're away or go rent a hotel room for an afternoon.

Now there are two people to pick up after. This especially sucks if one of you is a neat freak and simply can't rest until everything is put away.

Another set of parents are around to tell you what to do with your lives, and to try guilt tripping you when both families have events planned and you can't make it to both.

There is always going to be at least one chore that both of you hate doing and therefore you'll fight over it, and be forced to list off ALL the things you do to try to force them into feeling guilty and doing the chore.

Your secret box of secrets now needs to be more cleverly hidden than ever before.

It's easier to tell people off and storm off in a huff when you don't have to pack up all your shit and find a new place to live.

There is now another person to remember everything you've ever done wrong and remind you about it. Even those things that you forget you've done and can't really verify that you DID do them are used against you for years. After awhile you are convinced they're just making up shit.

Existing purely on bread and peanut butter becomes wrong somehow.

They find out you're not all the things you had claimed to be when you were trying to get them to like you.

You have justify spending thousands of dollars on an entertainment system and hundreds of CDs where before you would just not eat for a few weeks to pay it off.

There is someone that knows what and asshole/bitch you are and they still stay around. That just seems like something very creepy is going on. Why on earth do they stick around?

If there is no toilet paper around when they go to the bathroom, it can only be YOUR fault.

It's always the smallest things that end up driving you insane about them.

You can't tell them off because for some reason you don't want them to leave, even those times you think you do.

You have to put up with their crappy taste in music/movies so they put up with yours.

There are moments you look at them and wonder what the hell you think you're doing with your life.

Listening to music in the car becomes a negotiation deal when you both have different taste in music.

You have to pretend to like their stupid friends and they have to pretend to like yours.

If you start a 'war' of pranks, you have to be ready to fight it for the next few years until one of you gets hurt. By that time it's a 'tradition' and who are you to stop a tradition?

Don't ask questions you don't want answered honestly. You will get an honest answer to "Am I fat?", along with dietary advice to alter the situation.

They know when you're lying to them after a while.

You have to replace older items with "nice" things. Apparently duct taped sofas aren't "nice".

You can't drive like a maniac without getting elbowed in the arm.

Finding private time to masturbate becomes more difficult and if you try to include them then you're 'bothering' them all the time.

If you get up to get yourself a drink/snack, you now have to make two or at least ask them if they want any.

You will never again find YOUR underwear, just THEIRS.

When you're sick, it rocks because they have to take care of you. When they are sick, it totally SUCKS because you have to take care of them.

There is always a witness to your stupidity and someone to remind you of it the next day. (and the rest of your life)

You have to argue over what movie to see and can somehow never win because you can go see your movie 'next weekend' but by the time they agree, it's not in the theatres anymore.

Toothpaste tubes become a touchy issue.

For a certain week it's hell on earth for both of you in completely different ways.

Things you used to do that were cute are now called annoying and you're told to stop them.

You have to share the bed with someone after sex.

No matter what, you will always be wearing their socks, yet you don't seem to have any of your own.

You forget what being 'right' feels like because it all just degrees of wrong. They tell you they feel the same way, so who the hell IS winning here?

There are little notes around telling YOU where things go because it seems you've become braindead and NEED them. So you begin to write your own notes to them.

You are asked fifteen million times where their belt/hat/whatever is every day, and you never know. You've gone beyond even suggesting they put it in the same place each time because that just makes things YOUR fault for suggesting such a thing.

The cat/dog seems to like the other person, and you don't want to upset the cat/dog by killing them.

The first time you tell a story they think it's funny. After a few years, they've heard it a million times and now roll their eyes every time you open your mouth. So you start making things up to seem more interesting and they just shake their head.

You can't always point out odd things they do because they will simply tell you something odd you do. Each time you do this, you realize that you really ARE odd.

There are times you get bored with hanging out with them. You have nothing new to say to each other and just want to be left alone for a bit.

Their stuff sucks and your stuff rocks.

Fisk: OUT!

And why are you looking anyway?

This is part of a discussion that happened today in the shop. This asshole asked me when was the last time I saw my dick. As outraged as I was, I had an answer. I told him I saw it last night when it was coming out of his mom's mouth. Mean? Maybe. Uncalled for? I'm not sure. Even if it was only within myself, it started a dialogue. A dialogue that continues to run through my head. As fucked up as the question is, it's all I can think about...

During the course of my day I do a lot of weird shit. One of the weirdest things I do is use the bathroom. In the morning I look like something out of nekked gymnastics monthly. Everyone knows the male 'condition' when we wake up. Parts of us get up earlier than others. When you have to go to the bathroom, that can be a problem. Every man on the planet has his own way of dealing with it. At first, I tried to just go as I normally would. It only took a few times of peeing on the floor and toilet paper at the same time to figure out that normal wasn't going to work. So now if you see me in the morning, you can generally find me with one leg holding the door shut, and the other leg against the heater in as deep a split as I can get into. This is the only position I can make a successful pee pee. Sad but true. Even sadder is the fact that my son asks me one day, 'dad, why don't you just sit down and point it down?'. I hate him!

I may have gotten off topic for a minute, but it's all relevant. If I could just see my dick, I wouldn't have to have a morning gymnastics routine to empty my bladder. When was the last time I saw my dick? Maybe I should put up posters around the neighborhood with a huge reward for anyone who's seen it...

There was a time when I saw it all the time. All I had to do is look down and there it was, ready for whatever. Over time, I saw less and less of it and just stopped caring. I knew it was there. Or at least I was pretty sure. I think.

Fuck it. I guess I have to go back to the gym and work off some of this weight. It's going to take a while to get to the final goal, but I'll start slow. I'll know I'm making progress when I can see my feet. How sad is my life?

Fisk: OUT!

Love me, or hate me, to anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice.

Feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and this set them up for failure in the real world.

Here's 11 real world rules:

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will
expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine
about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they
are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but
life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off
>> > and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Before I take any credit or blame for this, these 11 rules were made up by Bill Gates. I think the man may know what he's talking about.

Fisk: OUT!