No. Fire shoots out my dick!

I used to think that was so funny when I first heard Eddie Murphy say that. Of course I was too young to know what a urinary tract infection was back then. I also wasn't afraid of that monster sized q-tip that exists in every doctor's office. Now I know the power of the q-tip and speak of it only in hushed tones amongst others that know of it's power.

Thankfully, this post isn't about me. It's about Wilson Jr. Keep in mind that I haven't been able to see him for about a month. His mother is on that shit again. When she walked in the door without knocking and told me that Jr. needed to see me, I knew it was bad. I assumed it was about school or something, but it wasn't. She didn't even know what it was about. It was something that he HAD to talk to daddy about. Daddy, and only Daddy.

Fearing the worst, I took him outside with me and sat him down on the porch. I asked him what he needed to tell me, and he in typical Wilson Fisk style, came right out with it.

"My penis hurts when I go to the bathroom."

Just as seriously as he told me his situation, I asked him a question.

"Have you been having sexual relations with dirty women?"

"No."

Not 'No Daddy, don't be stupid.' No rolling of the eyes. No embarrassed looks in the other direction. Just an honest answer to an honest question. After a few more questions I ascertained that he had probably just gotten a urinary infection from either swimming in the pool with dirty hood-rat children, or urinating outside with dirty hands. No problem.

"Drink loads of cranberry juice and iced tea and you'll be fine."

"Okay Daddy."

Why can't everything be that easy? Granted, my son and I have excellent communication between each other. I just hope that continues when he's a bit older. Hell, I didn't even think about how much he's maturing. It seems like just a few weeks ago he would've asked his mom to help him out. When I asked him why he didn't, he stated simply,

"Mommy doesn't have a penis."

"Sure she does. He's sitting next to her."

"He's not a penis. He's a this." Points to his penis.

"A dick?"

"Yeah, that's a bad word. I can't say that."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean yes."

"Good boy!"

Fisk: OUT!